If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
