OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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