You're a womanizer and a bitch.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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