my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
