He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
