you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
