The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
