when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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