I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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