We won't sleep together?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
