I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize