Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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