Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
