He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
