do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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