Plan B is the new Plan A
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
