i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
