could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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