You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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