I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize