I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
