Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
