I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
