I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
