just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I will pee on everything he values.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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