smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
