Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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