I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
