So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
