I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
