I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
