guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
