I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
