he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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