have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
