I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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