Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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