she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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