If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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