Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
