I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
