Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
