My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
