Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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