I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
