I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This house was built for laser tag.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
