How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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