Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
is it fun? or sober?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
