Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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