I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
