Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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