We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
