Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
