This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize