If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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