Someone shit on the floor
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
