you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
