dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
