I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
